The Witness

Stores were being heldup
The crime wave was big news
The culprit showed up naked
Wearing a smile and some shoes
No one would be able
To identify the crook
No one saw her face to well
They really never looked
The cops kept working on it
They chased down every lead
But none of them were helpful
Giving evidence they’d need
All they knew,….a woman
would come in and she’d flash
Her boobs at the man working
And she’d make off with the cash
Fourteen stores and stations
Were hit by this bold wench
But without her even knowing
Her plan had a small wrench
I take you to the latest store
Where the police have come to see
Why the woman ran without the cash
Let’s listen in…shall we?

“we heard sir, that you’ve cracked our case”
“you’re the first person to see her face”
“Of courth I did you silly goose”
He held out his hand “just call me Bruce’
“She shouldn’t be too hard to find”
“If there’s one thing I know, it’s a bare behind”
“You see, when she found I was gay”
“That’s when she turned and ran away”
“She won’t get too far on those heels”
“She left on foot, she had no wheels”
The questions then came fast and quick
All answered, smoothly…and real slick
“First, I noticed that her shoes”
“Were cheap, bad knock off Jimmy Choos”
“The lining of her coat was stained”
“And her hair colour, not much remained”
“She had a note pinned to her breasts”
“I didn’t care, you might have guessed”
“She held a bag, said fill it up”
“I’d say she was a full D cup”
“I told her I don’t think so dear”
“I think that gave away I’m queer”
“I mean, no earrings or a matching purse”
“Some style please….but, I’ve seen worse”
“She should not be too far away”
“Her shoes aren’t runners, they’re made to play”
“Blond hair, bad roots, ends were frizzy too”
“Fingernails all badly done, a rotten shade of blue”
“I hope I have helped you boys”
“Are those cuffs real?…I like your toys”

The cops put out an APB
To catch this woman on the loose
You see they never want to
Go back and talk to Bruce
So, if you want to rob a store
Now, listen for this…..wait…
Make sure the man who’s working there
Is sure as shooting…STRAIGHT~~~

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