The Senile Santa

SANTA’S GETTING OLDER AND HIS EYESIGHT’S NOT SO HOT
HIS MEMORY IS FADING TOO, THERE’S LOTS THAT HE’S FORGOT
LIKE WHERE HE’S BEEN, AND WHERE HE’S TO AND THE THE HELL IS HOME?
AND WHICH WAY IS INUVIK WHEN I TAKE OFF FROM NOME?
THER’S PLACES THAT HE’S BEEN TOO, THAT NOW HE CANN’T FIND
IT’S NOT THAT HE’S FORGETFUL, I THINK HE’S LOST HIS MIND
THE ELVES ALL STAY AWAY FROM HIM WHEN HE’S AROUND BECAUSE
HE’S ALWAYS GOING ON ABOUT THEIR RELATIVES IN OZ
THEY TELL HIM HE’S MISTAKEN AND THAT OZ IS NOT THERE
THAT IT WAS JUST A MOVIE, BUT SANTA DOESN’T CARE
HE SITS AROUND AND MUMBLES AND TALKS ABOUT THE PAST
ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE CHANGING AND KIDS GROW UP SO FAST.
“BEFORE COLUMBUS SHOWED HIS FACE..I HAD THIS THING DOWN PAT”
“I NEVER MISSED DELIVERIES BACK WHEN THE WORLD WAS FLAT”
“THE TIME ZONES HE CREATED WHEN HE PROVED THE WORLD WAS ROUND”
“GET ME HOME TWO HOURS PRIOR TO THE TIME I LEFT THE GROUND”
“I LEAVE AT TWELVE, DO MY TRIP AND I GET HOME AT TEN”
“I CAN’T REMEMBER IF I’VE BEEN…SO, I GO OUT AGAIN”
“WITH ALL THE MAIL THAT I RECIEVE, IT’S GETTING RATHER TOUGH”
“SO LAST YEAR I COMPUTERIZED TO ORGANIZE MY STUFF”
“I DESTROYED ALL MY INFO AND STORED IT ALL ON DISC”
“I LEAPT INTO THE FUTURE AND I TOOK A MAJOR RISK”
“MY ATLASES I TOOK AND BURNED, MY LISTS I RIPPED UP TOO”
“I DIDN’T NEED THESE THINGS NO MORE, NOT WITH MY IPAD2”
“WAY BACK IN MID DECEMBER THE PLUG SLIPPED FROM THE WALL”
“I DIDN’T HAVE A BACKUP, AND SO I LOST IT ALL”
“MY ELVES THEY CANNOT HELP ME, IN FACT THEY SIT AND LAUGH”
“BECAUSE LAST YEAR WHEN I AUTOMATED, I CUT MY STAFF IN HALF”
“IT’S GOING TO TAKE A WHILE, IT MAY BE A FEW YEARS”
“BUT I’LL DELIVER EVERY GIFT WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM SEARS”
“YOU SEE, I’VE GOT A CATALOGUE AND I’LL ORDER FROM THEIR SHELVES”
“WHO CARES IF I GET MY STUFF FROM THEM, OR IF I GET IT FROM MY ELVES?”
“I THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING, BUT NOW I’VE GOT TO SCOOT”
“YOU SEE, I DROPPED SOMETHING OFF WRONG AND YOUR GIFT’S IN BEIRUT”
“DON’T WORRY YOU’LL STILL GET IT, JUST CHECK BENEATH YOUR TREE”
“IT MAY TAKE A LITTLE WHILE, BUT I’LL GET IT THERE….YOU’LL SEE!”

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2 thoughts on “The Senile Santa

  1. thanks kiddo, glad you liked it. it’s an old one. i’ve been busy putting up a lot of the christmas ones. did you check out ugly christmas sweaters and the two Uncle Mike ones.

    Like

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