Doing The Wife’s Hair

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Doing the Wife’s Hair

Husbands, raise your hands
Keep them up if you love your wife
Keep them up if you colour your wifes hair
Okay, this is for the three of us that are left….

I did my wife a favour
As I do, because I can
I help her when I’m able
Not just because I am a man

I kill bugs when requested
I do the laundry like I should
I clean the bathroom when it’s dirty
And by doing so , feel good

Every few weeks I will help her
Hide the grey that she can see
I don’t volunteer to do it
But it’s cheap to hire me

A salon visit is expensive
Doing hair, and waiting hours
I just slip on my latex hand wear
And I have a bag full of super powers

Yes, I help my wife get couloured
I take the time and do her hair
I also, get it on the tiles
Up the wall and on two chairs

The dog gets covered just a little
The rug, a window and the bed
But, we always buy two packets
So, there’s enough to do her head

I have a jacket slightly mottled
It’s got a few brown spots, some red
I don’t know exactly how it happened
I even got some on our bed

Just call me Mr. Kenneth
In my jumpsuit doing hair
I get it where I think she needs it
And I spray it everywhere

She comes out looking gorgeous
She’s always happy with the result
She always looks a little different
Like someone who believes in the occult

If you’re a husband who likes money
Save it, colour your wife’s hair
Your part only takes ten minutes
You need ten towels, one mask, one chair

It brings us both closer together
My arms look like a leopard skin
All my shirts are slightly spotted
But all those spots, make me look thin

I’ve got to go now and get cleaned up
The carpets ruined, so’s the wood
But, she’s happy and we all know that
If the wife is happy….all is good!

Late for his own funeral

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He never won a race he started

He was always way behind

It made his teachers wonder

What went on in his mind

He always made it late for school

No matter how he tried

He was always coming to the door

While the others sat inside

Always late at dinner time

He was always being told

“You’ll be late for your own funeral”

And he ate dinner….always cold

He’d miss the bus, be late for work

I guess it was his fate

No matter what he did….well,

He always turned up late

His bride walked out and left him

When she showed up to the church

He was still home sleeping

She thought he’d left her in the lurch

There are times when being tardy though

Made him thankful that his clock

Was running late and he showed up

As the ship sailed from the dock

He was behind about an hour

On that cold and fateful day

He was late for his own funeral

As The Titanic sailed away…

So You Want To Publish A Book? Part 3: Getting Started With The Self-Publishing Process

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Roger Turner:

already decided on createspace. hopefully, once the illustrations are done, we should have our book, (Donna Clement) and myself…up for Christmas sale. Already have standing orders for over a hundred copies, just from the first page of artwork we have shown around.

Originally posted on 52 Flashes of Fiction:

Ok, so you’ve figured out that you want to publish for all the right reasons and you’ve determined that self-publishing is probably the best option for you. Wonderful! So umm… where in the world do you start?!

It can seem incredibly daunting at first, when you don’t know what you’re doing. But the cool part is that it’s a learning experience- you basically get to teach yourself. For some people that’s nerve-wracking, but I like knowing that my success/eventual satisfaction is directly related to how much research and work I put into it, as opposed to waiting around for some arbitrary third party to finish proofreading or designing the cover or whatever, while I stand around helplessly hoping things turn out the way I’d like. As a self-admitted control freak, I can’t work that way.

The first thing I did and the first thing you need to do is get…

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R.I.P Richard Kiel

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Originally posted on SFoxWriting's Blog:

richard kiel

As an avid fan of the James Bond series it is only right that i write a post about possibly one of the greatest Bond villians there has ever been .

Today Richard Kiel , known best for his reccuring role as “Jaws” in James Bond , has died at the age of 74.

Richard was 7ft 2 so quite the mountain of a man , he also played a role in the comedy alongside Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore.

I am very saddened to hear this news i hope that people will take the time to pay their respects to a tremendous actor.

jaws

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