Doing The Wife’s Hair

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Doing the Wife’s Hair

Husbands, raise your hands
Keep them up if you love your wife
Keep them up if you colour your wifes hair
Okay, this is for the three of us that are left….

I did my wife a favour
As I do, because I can
I help her when I’m able
Not just because I am a man

I kill bugs when requested
I do the laundry like I should
I clean the bathroom when it’s dirty
And by doing so , feel good

Every few weeks I will help her
Hide the grey that she can see
I don’t volunteer to do it
But it’s cheap to hire me

A salon visit is expensive
Doing hair, and waiting hours
I just slip on my latex hand wear
And I have a bag full of super powers

Yes, I help my wife get couloured
I take the time and do her hair
I also, get it on the tiles
Up the wall and on two chairs

The dog gets covered just a little
The rug, a window and the bed
But, we always buy two packets
So, there’s enough to do her head

I have a jacket slightly mottled
It’s got a few brown spots, some red
I don’t know exactly how it happened
I even got some on our bed

Just call me Mr. Kenneth
In my jumpsuit doing hair
I get it where I think she needs it
And I spray it everywhere

She comes out looking gorgeous
She’s always happy with the result
She always looks a little different
Like someone who believes in the occult

If you’re a husband who likes money
Save it, colour your wife’s hair
Your part only takes ten minutes
You need ten towels, one mask, one chair

It brings us both closer together
My arms look like a leopard skin
All my shirts are slightly spotted
But all those spots, make me look thin

I’ve got to go now and get cleaned up
The carpets ruined, so’s the wood
But, she’s happy and we all know that
If the wife is happy….all is good!

Christmas Overload in September

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Ads for Christmas special
Litter magazines and such
Oooh another Christmas Carol
Tiny tim has a new crutch

A Christmas Story musical
The rockettes on tv
I’d rather watch old re-runs
Of Andy Williams ‘neath the tree

The stores are stocked, the lights are bright
There’s tinsel everywhere
There’s Romney and Obama Christmas tags
I mean is this really fair?

There’s Kingdom of Thrones nativities
And guess who plays the baby
There’ s something wrong inherently
When you stop to buy it…maybe.

Christmas got away from us
It’s more commercial than I’ve seen
There’s more crap on the shelves these days
Than there is at Hallowee’n

It’s only just September
and I’m already done in
by my Christmas Season overload
I can’t believe the state I’m in

What happened to Goodwill to Men
And Seasons Greetings at the mall
They’ve been replaced by anger
And gift cards that are given out by all

This year I have decided
to change how I celebrate this silly thing
I’m going home to bed right now
And I will Hibernate till spring !!!

Tomight I watched the radio

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I sat down to watch the radio

There was nothing on TV

I have two hundred channels

But there was sweet F.A for me

I could have watched one channel

And learned to fricasse

A chicken raised on wild grains

By a woman chef named Bea

I started checking channels

But I decided in mid flick

That I was getting tired

And I was also  feeling sick

So I sat and watched the radio

Since there was nothing on TV

I have two hundred channels

But there was sweet F.A for me

I worked on through the listings

English, French and some bad porn

There were movies on one station

That were made ‘fore  I was born

Out of all the things I saw on there

The best show I could see

Was something shown in black and white

Made in nineteen sixty three

My TV s high definition

With cables left and right

But to find a show I’d like to watch

Was taking half the night

So I sat and watched the radio

Watching nothing happen fast

But as I sat there watching

I travelled bckwards  to my past

Still flicking through the channels

Trying to find something to see

I thought I’d found a hockey game

But it was all in Punjabi

So, I listened to the music

Watched the radio, passing time

Then I thought, why do I have this?

With what I paid, it was a crime

eleven channels showed the same

times 8 networks made

at least eighty eight tv stations

That didn’t make the grade

Twenty two were pay for view

The French networks were ten

Then the networks there in Real HD

And so, it started once again

Pay for porn was fourteen strong

New shows added two

Weather, sports and info shows

Now I was at one eighty  two.

I could have bought alot of stuff

On informercials through the night

I could have bought Pro Active

But instead I watched the light

I turned back to the radio

With the station light in green

It was better than the tv set

And all the crap I’d seen

So, Tonight I watched the radio

There was nothing on TV

But as I sat there bathed in that green light

The music showed me all I need to see.

This Ain’t a goddam Country Song

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This Ain’t a Goddamn Country Song

You know I love my Rock and Roll

I wouldn’t write a Country Song

‘Cause that’s not how I roll

This song it ain’t bout country things

Like pickup trucks and cars

You’ll never find me writing

About getting drunk in bars

There’s no mention here of Taylor Swift

or The Charlie Daniels Band

I wouldn’t write of how the banks

are taking our farmland

This Ain’t a Goddamn Country Song

You know I love my Rock and Roll

I wouldn’t write a Country Song

‘Cause that’s not how I roll

I don’t know shit ’bout Redneck stuff

like hunting dogs and guns

I wouldn’t write of Daisy Dukes

showing off some hot babes buns

I won’t write ’bout the Opry

I don’t know all that stuff

Of Minnie Pearl and Grandpa Jones

And Mr. Roy Acuff

This Ain’t a Goddamn Country Song

You know I love my Rock and Roll

I wouldn’t write a Country Song

‘Cause that’s not how I roll

There’s nothing here ’bout Bourbon

or of Racing through the fields

I don’t know much about farming

or crop futures or of yields

I listen to The Rolling Stones

Trace Adkins I don’t like

Lady A can go away

Kid Rock can ride his bike

You won’t hear much about Zac Browns Band

or of food thats Chicken Fried

I might go to a hoedown

If I’d  just  up and died

My music, it fulfills me

It makes me who I am

But I’ll stay away from country

songs, Cause I don’t give a damn

No Oak Ridge Boys or Hee Haw Here

Hank Williams I won’t buy

I’ll never buy a Dixie Beer

It’s a drink I’ll never try

I won’t sing about Kentucky

or of a Texas Yellow Rose

you know this aint no country song

Good god I hope it shows

There’s no mohter, dogs or applie pie

no  fishin’ in the dark

No Everything is Beautiful

No songs by Terry Clark

I’m really open minded

My friends they are the same

We won’t buy country music

To us it’s just so lame

This Ain’t a Goddamn Country Song

You know I love my Rock and Roll

I wouldn’t write a Country Song

‘Cause that’s not how I roll

I won’t mention stuff you’ll find

in songs by Nashville bands

There’s nothing here about

watching football in the stands

I’ll never write a country song

Cause country just ain’t fun

Oh crap I just read this thing

And I think I just wrote one

This Ain’t a Goddamn Country Song

You know I love my Rock and Roll

I wouldn’t write a Country Song

‘Cause that’s not how I roll

Gene Kelly inspires short anime from Japan, captures hearts around the world

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Originally posted on RocketNews24:

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If you’re feeling under the weather or just wanting to relax after a hard day, there are two things that can certainly pick you up and remind you of the bright side of life again: a Hollywood musical from the golden era, and a good animated cartoon from Japan. It’s amazing how warm, animated tones and catchy tunes can capture your senses and hug you like an old friend just when you need it the most.

Now, a Japanese animator has melded the two feel-good genres with a short, two and a half-minute animation that pays homage to a Gene Kelly tap dance routine from the 1952 american musical Singin’ in the Rain. It’s proving to be so cute that it’s attracting attention from around the world. We take a look at the video and see why this cute girl is gathering so many admirers.

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