Doing The Wife’s Hair

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Doing the Wife’s Hair

Husbands, raise your hands
Keep them up if you love your wife
Keep them up if you colour your wifes hair
Okay, this is for the three of us that are left….

I did my wife a favour
As I do, because I can
I help her when I’m able
Not just because I am a man

I kill bugs when requested
I do the laundry like I should
I clean the bathroom when it’s dirty
And by doing so , feel good

Every few weeks I will help her
Hide the grey that she can see
I don’t volunteer to do it
But it’s cheap to hire me

A salon visit is expensive
Doing hair, and waiting hours
I just slip on my latex hand wear
And I have a bag full of super powers

Yes, I help my wife get couloured
I take the time and do her hair
I also, get it on the tiles
Up the wall and on two chairs

The dog gets covered just a little
The rug, a window and the bed
But, we always buy two packets
So, there’s enough to do her head

I have a jacket slightly mottled
It’s got a few brown spots, some red
I don’t know exactly how it happened
I even got some on our bed

Just call me Mr. Kenneth
In my jumpsuit doing hair
I get it where I think she needs it
And I spray it everywhere

She comes out looking gorgeous
She’s always happy with the result
She always looks a little different
Like someone who believes in the occult

If you’re a husband who likes money
Save it, colour your wife’s hair
Your part only takes ten minutes
You need ten towels, one mask, one chair

It brings us both closer together
My arms look like a leopard skin
All my shirts are slightly spotted
But all those spots, make me look thin

I’ve got to go now and get cleaned up
The carpets ruined, so’s the wood
But, she’s happy and we all know that
If the wife is happy….all is good!

If The Rhode Island LLWS Guy Coached The Tigers They’d Win The World Series

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Originally posted on Sports Gossip, Sexy WAGs, NFL and Hot Cheerleaders: BustedCoverage:

I hope David Belisle puts out a motivational podcast because I’d run through a brick wall for the guy. He’s been the star of the Little League World Series for being a good guy who gives the best motivational speeches in Little League history. The accent. The perfect mix of emotion and reenforcement. The positive choice of words. Emotion without too much emotion like normal screamers.

Rhode Island got knocked out last night, losing 8-7 to Illinois.

Tears.

Now, let’s talk about this guy being hired by the Tigers to get their asses moving. They’re two games behind the Royals after getting smoked 8-1 by Seattle on Sunday. If I’m Dave Dombrowski, I quietly make a call to Belisle and fly him into Tampa for the series that opens tonight. You just need him to come down real fast and then get him back to Williamsport on a chartered flight…

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Amish Drag Racing

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Deep in the woods where the wild things roam

Back in the dark there are things

That happen at night when you’r all safe at home

When young men compete to be kings.

It happens each year when the falls fairs are on

These gatherings out in the dark

Thanksgiving arrives and the boys all move on

From these things that they do for a lark

The gauntlet’s thrown down by the challenging swarm

To the winner of last years crusade

His blood doesn’t boil, but it sure does get warm

Now that this years challenge is made

It normally starts at the Aylmer Fall Fair

“Josiah, you’re not is our class!”

He doesn’t fight back he just breathes deep and stares

For to him,  it’s a sin for to sass

They show up at night, all dressed up in black

No surprise if you knew how they live

But tonight is the time, for them all to step up

For a Lesson’s about to be give

The street was all dark, save a lantern or two

as the riders came out from the trees

These were not the old wagons you saw in the dark

These were ones that would make your heart freeze

Josiah stepped forth from the bustling crowd

Mr. Martin he said…I am here

Now is the time to show just how proud

of the horses you have over there.

I’ve heard of this race in the darkest of nights

Where the young men come out and are facing

Their fears and their hopes with only two lights

It’s the start of Amish Drag Racing

It was something to see these men dressed all the same

Two big clydesdales each made up their team

But to both of these men, this was not just a game

This was the way that they all burned off steam

They didn’t dare fight for that was a sin

And team sports didn’t get the job done

None of them drank so there was no need for gin

And a barnraising just wasn’t fun

Mr. Martin climbed up and he steadied his ride

Young Josiah just stood there and stared

Mr. Martin looked out, he was beaming with pride

Poor Josiah just stood looking scared

The starter came forth and he said to the men

With this hanky I will start the race

I will let it fly loose once I count to ten

And I let it fly free into space.

He counted it down and let go of the rag

And nobody moved from the post

Mr. Martins horse stood as did Josiahs old nag

And they both looked like they’d just  seen a ghost

The hanky was black just like ones they all had

And nobody saw him let go

The race buildup was great but the start was quite bad

In fact some men started to go

So, they tried it again with a different technique

Cause they found nothing there that was white

You can say it was strange but I say unique

To watch Amish men race in the night.

The horses lurched forth like two huge tyco trains

Sweat was poring from off of their backs

You could see from their eys it was really a strain

As their drivers took up the reigns slack

Equally paired, with two horsepower each

They tore up the road like a shot

But a really fast speed they both never would reach

Cause two clydesdales just don’t run so hot.

Amish drag racing is really a night

To see if the other would show

For it’s really no way to prove who is right

And the attendance is really quite low

So if you get invited and your hear of a race

That takes place where wild things  roam

Say you’d love to attend but you think to save face

You’d prefer not and would rather stay home.
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